TAG by Ryan Shari J

Author:Ryan, Shari J. [Ryan, Shari J.]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Booktrope
Published: 2014-11-06T16:00:00+00:00

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

CALI

HER HAND is getting colder, but I try to keep it warm. Her skin is gray—almost translucent, and the color in her eyes is becoming dull against her pale skin. It’s hard to remember the woman who once wouldn’t leave the house without spending almost an hour getting dressed and carefully applying just the right amount of makeup. A smile still shows on her face though, and I don’t know what has made her so strong. I would be crying, panicked, and terrified of the black hole that I would soon seep into.

Her lips are dry, and I’ve been watching her tongue press her cheek outward a number of times. The nurse says it means she’s thirsty when she does that. I pull the small plastic cup of water off of the rolling cart and press the straw between her lips.

The effort of sucking the liquid from the straw is almost too much for her, but she tugs her hand out from beneath mine and touches my cheek, looking carefully into my eyes.

She releases the straw from her lips, and I pull the cup away from her and place it back down on the table. She clears her throat a few times before she can say anything. “Carolina, don’t ever forget what I’ve taught you.” She breathes heavily in between each word, showing me the effort it takes for her to speak at all.

“Know everyone . . . trust no one. I know, Mom. Don’t worry. I won’t forget.”

“Good girl,” her voice crackles. Her chest heaves in and out, struggling against the cancer that’s fighting for the remaining breaths left in her body. “I love you, girls.” She takes time to look at both of us for a few seconds. As her smile becomes a struggle, I wrap my hand back around hers, trying my hardest not to miss a second of any warmth left within her. “Take care of each other. Always.”

And with that, the beeps of her heart monitor slow down. Her eyelids close slowly, and her hand goes limp, feeling heavy, considering the slenderness of her ninety-pound body. Krissy’s cries ring loudly in my ear, and I want to fall to my knees and let go of all my pent up pain, but I won’t let go. I’ll watch her follow her light. I’ll watch her find peace.

I watch as the nurses roll her out of the room. And I let go. I grab Krissy, and we pull each other to the ground. We rock back and forth in each other’s arms, crying all of our pain out, trying to figure out what being gone for forever really means. We’ll never see her again. Ever. How does one comprehend forever? It didn’t matter how long we prepared for this moment. There is no moment like the one when you lose your mom.

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